So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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