I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
