no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
