I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
how do you play pong handcuffed?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
