literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
