THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
