that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
