I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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