So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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