apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
