No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
