Kiss
Puke
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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