I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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