dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
