smell my finger.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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