The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
