I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
