Its about making memories worth repressing
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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