i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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