I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
