Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
