its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
