It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
