how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
