I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
