ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
