JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
