He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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