Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can text with my tongue
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
