Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
