I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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