somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
