Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
