dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
