I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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