Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
