Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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