like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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