I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's paint friendship bongs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
