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So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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