He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
