I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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