Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
