My hand turned me down
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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