the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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