i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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