I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
