Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
