I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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