Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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