you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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