When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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